Because of Who?

01/2005

I write a column. I get paid for it. I live in Paradise. Most nights I go to sleep giggling and most mornings I wake up giggling.

A couple of my exes recognize my work. They know who I am. These two exes (and I have a hard time writing this and a worse time believing it) actually think they are responsible for my current happiness. Each man contacted me last month, using different formats. One chose email. The other chose postal service.

Like little puppy dogs with wagging tails, they said in essence, “See? You couldn’t be writing this column if we were still together. See how great your life is? I helped you get this great life. Your current happiness is because of Me.”

I was stupefied.

It took all of my self-control to keep from tracking them down and punching them both in the nose but I don’t punch puppies. They are right, of course. I am happy. But let’s make this point perfectly clear, in part to insure that no future ex takes this stand. I’m happy in spite of them not because of them. I took my broken heart, made it whole, had some fun along the way, and wound up with my own column.

Don’t go thinking I’m bitter. I’m not. Let me describe both men: handsome, funny, and, evidently, they read this column, which endears them to me immeasurably. Amazing. Let’s call them Dane and Scrumptious. Here’s my personal note to Dane and Scrumptious for the whole world to see:

Dear Dane and Scrumptious,

I enjoy remembering the good times between us and I’m grateful to have been included in your lives. Now, go live. I apologize for any pain you may feel when you read about yourselves now or in the future. Be grateful I call you Dane and Scrumptious. I had other options.

There – much better than punching a puppy. As for my other options? Happily, right now my only option is a cab to the airport…got to see my Sweetie, IronMan.