Oscar

04/2004

I was invited to the Oscars. Believe it or not, a movie star asked me to attend as his guest and I’ve never been so happy to be number 175 on a man’s list of options. When the 174 women he really wanted to go couldn’t, I got the nod! I was greenlighted!

I hopped on a plane, checked into my favorite Santa Monica hotel and had a major Diva moment.

We did the whole celebrity thing. La dee dah. I was wearing Vera Wang when I stumbled into George Clooney who, in turn, spilled a drink on Charlize Theron who, by the way, is even prettier in person.

Imagine that.

Just as I was applying deep red lipstick, George bumped my elbow causing me to draw all over my face at which time the paparazzi started flashing madly. There I was, with lipstick all over my face being photographed next to George and Charlize.

The whole incident got me thinking about awards. Since I don’t think I’ll be invited back to the Oscars anytime soon, I decided to create my own award for excellence. I didn’t know what to call it. At first, I thought about calling it “the gg bikini” but that seemed way over the top even though the words are fun to say. In fact, I said it several times in a row before giving it up. Then I considered calling it “the gg tattoo” but that seemed too “biker-chick” and some might not feel honored to receive a
tattoo of any sort, even figuratively.

Upon speaking to my best friend, gToo, I realized there was only one name for my award for excellence – the gg kiss. gToo knew it within seconds of hearing the question. Her exact words: “With those lips?” Sometimes gToo has to keep my
head in the game and she doesn’t mind reminding me regularly. Daily, sometimes; hourly, on occasion; minute by minute, yesterday afternoon.

So later this year, I will be announcing the inaugural
recipients of the gg kiss, an award for excellence. It is an award that cannot be bought, only earned over time, but if you feel the need to send gifts, fine. The winners will be selected on my own personal experience, which, in reviewing my Oscar story, might not be so well respected by some.

In any case, I’m very excited. I learned a lot about awards at the Oscars. I learned that George Clooney isn’t easily impressed by clumsy girls. And, he really doesn’t care for ruby red lipstick all over the face, much less, on his crisp white shirt. But hey, I’ve got lips that call for lipstick. Any fool can see that. And, I think even the casual observer can see that these lips were made for kissing!