Under Contract for Love

02/2005

Working at McDonald’s requires a contract. Renting a car requires a contract. Parasailing requires a contract. Love? Nope. Fall in anytime. It’s that simple.

Of course, you may end up with a broken heart, so you might want to consider a contract. I had a broken heart. As a result, I penned the “Contract for Romantic Love” because suddenly I didn’t feel safe out there without one. A broken heart can, after all, cause permanent damage.

Here’s a sampling of my favorite clauses:

1. Laughter. Laughter shall be frequent and cover a wide range of subjects.

2.Tears. Tears shall be accepted by both parties. The tearful party shall be comforted by the non-tearful party. No excess tears, however.

3. Sex. Sex will be an extra element in an already complete and wonderful union. It shall be kept private and discussed only vaguely with those outside the relationship. Any disputes concerning frequency and/or technique shall be resolved in a mature and reasonable manner. Sexual infidelity is unacceptable.

4. Apologies. Apologies shall be swift, specific and sincere.

5. Sushi. Eat sushi. If you can’t eat it, say it. Simply saying the word “sushi” can invigorate a relationship.

6. Cheeerleading. No pompoms required (unless relevant to clause number 3) but each party shall cheer endlessly for the hopes and dreams of the other party.

So you get the idea. I think love should be fun and
satisfying and fair. So go out and do it. Fall in love. Be in love. Love. But as a precaution, you might want (in the most romantic way) to get the specifics in writing.