My Robb Report

08/2004

When you think of the Robb Report, you probably think of a slick magazine full of high-end luxury items. Not me. I think of the gorgeous man with whom my friend, gToo, is sleeping, a high-end luxury item of her very own.

Here’s how it went: gToo flew to Miami to watch the Orange Bowl where she ignored the game, met Rob Somebody who escorted her to the company skybox and then to bed.

Meekly, she called from Miami asking my advice. As far as I could tell, she’d shown all her cards within seconds of beginning the round, so she had only one choice: play all out, full court press, total blitz, and then some. She did. Luckily, so did Rob and that’s how I began to receive my very own daily (sometimes hourly) Rob Report.

Amazingly, this relationship is fantastic and loving and sweet and respectful. I don’t know about you, but I always thought having sex within the first twelve hours of meeting someone was a sure way to doom the future. Apparently, I was wrong and I know at least five people who will really enjoy knowing I wrote those words.

Then it occurred to me that they had actually met ten years before the Orange Bowl, so technically, they’d waited ten years rather than twelve hours, and by all calculations that’s a hell of along time to wait. No wonder it’s going so well. So, I was right after all.

Rob is your basic, run of the mill perfect catch. He calls regularly, he plans for the future, he is crushingly romantic, he’s a hunk and a half, he’s gainfully employed, he builds things, he gets manicures, he has a waterfront office where he performs well under pressure, his clothing is exceptional, he smells good, he wins the occasional fistfight for a good cause, he’s hilarious and I love him. gToo can’t say the words but I sure can. I can say them and I can write them. I love Rob. I think I’ll do it again. I love Rob.

I told gToo if it will make it easier for her to express her true feelings, she should just tell Rob that gg loves him. Then he’ll know that whenever she says, “gg loves you,” it will really mean, “I love you.”

You may be wondering how many times I’ve met Rob, how many conversations we’ve had, and when I’ll see him next.

That’s what makes this Rob Report so amazing. I’ve never met the man in person but I’ve been sold for months.