The Happy Hooker

10/2004

I work with money. I make it grow. I have no official title; people give me their money, and I manage it. I wouldn’t go this far, but I’ve heard it said I can double your money in less time than it takes to order a latte at Starbucks midtown.

Also, I’m a hooker. I’ve been a hooker for about five years and I love it. I’m a happy hooker. My brother is uncomfortable with my hooking; his wife won’t even look at me at times, and when I started teaching their daughter the business, well, my sister-in-law almost burned down the house. Strangely, my mother (who wanted me to become President of the United States) loves it, and my dad – well, as I understand it, if you’re a man, and your daughter is a hooker, you don’t want to know about it so we leave him in the dark.

Hooking is a very rewarding occupation…at least when it comes to Scrabble. Allow me to teach you a trick or two.

If the word “tired” is played on the board and you have the letters “e” and “r” in your rack (not that rack), hook “er” on the end of “tired” to make “tireder.” Most people don’t think “tireder” is a word so your challenger will lose his turn and you’ll gain some points. Soon you’ll be a hooker too.

This also works with the word “often.” “Oftener” is a word, believe it or not. Of course, not everyone believes in the Scrabble Dictionary but take my word for it, don’t play without it.

In reviewing the story above, you might be amazed that I date at all. I know I am. So is my mom. But happily, I do date. I date wonderful men all over the world and I’m now dating a man who can drive like a chauffeur, cook like Chef Paul, and laugh like life is short, so I’m praying he can play Scrabble with a girl like me. I don’t care to win as much as I care to play.

Take it from a happy hooker, I’ll teach him a trick or two and double his money.