Love Lessons

09/2004

Golden Gate Park.

Years ago, when I voiced an interest in returning to Fog City, my best friend, gToo, fell silent. Then, true to form, she smirked, “You’re not going to try to be gay, are you? Because if you are, I’m going to kick your lesbian ass.”

My response?

“Listen, I’ve been hangin’ out with you for ten years, you look like Catherine Zeta-Jones, I’ve seen you naked, if I was going to try to be gay I’d have given it my best shot a long time ago, so I think my lesbian ass is safe!”

But our banter got me thinking. I once lost a man to a woman who was trying to be a lesbian which (you’d think) might inspire me to try it myself, but no. I’ve dated many wonderful men in the world and I’ve learned a thing or two.

If you think you’d like to date the veterinarian in your town, here’s something you should know: when he invites you to manage his office, you may get a three-hour lecture about a product called Neutersol and there’s nothing like the mere mention of Neutersol to cool things off in a hurry.

If you think you’d like to date the polo player in your town, here’s something you should know: that man will put you on a horse.

If you think you’d like to date the real estate developer in your town, get a good inspection and a hard hat.

And, if you think you’d like to date the “special agent” in your town, RUN. Run back to the veterinarian and promise to manage his office like it’s never been managed before.

But that was then.

Here I am now, in a chic apartment on King Street; after the ballgame; happy as can be; my belly peppered with baby kisses. And where in the world did I meet a good straight guy in San Francisco?

GG Park, of course. Sweet.